|
|
The stars were out, when I finished my retelling of the events of my life to Gracchus. I told him about my childhood, my mother, my father, the destruction of us at Roman hands. How me and mine were taken from our home in the middle of the night, to be separated, and sold as bonded labor. I left out the reason that I had truly been kidnapped, and that I was a Druid. That was a secret I told only Galen.He said nothing for long minutes, then sighed deeply. “I am not sure what I can say, to make it better,” he lamented.
“There is nothing to say,” I assured him. I just felt as if a weight had been lifted from me. He handed me a cloth to wipe the tears that had fallen at times during my story, and we got up to go back toward my quarters. I wanted to make things up to Lucius, however, so we changed direction, and walked without speaking to the house, where a bright-eyed Lucius met us.
“He’s here!” He shouted, grabbing our hands, and pulling us with him. Gracchus stopped him, and asked him who the visitor was. “Maximus! He got here an hour ago.” He stopped and looked at me. “What’s the matter with you?”
I was frozen. The day I would be handed over to the man who had paid for me had been always a fact I would have to face, but I had kept it as far from my mind as possible. Now it was at hand, and I was sick at heart. The future was suddenly black with uncertainty, and the reason for it was just behind Lucius, examining me with eyes like a blue-green sea.
He was still dressed in his armor, and in the light from the torches that lined the lane, cut an imposing figure behind Lucius. The gods have a strange sense of humor. All of Celtic Britannia was in the grip of Rome, and here was I, owned by one of her generals. I glanced at Gracchus, somewhat accusingly. He had said Maximus was a soldier. He had not given all away. The old man grinned sheepishly back, and while it was hard to be angry with him, I was certainly not amused. Maximus did not miss the look that passed between us, and cocked an eyebrow at Gracchus.
“You left out something, when you told her about me?” He chided, and the beginning of a smirk turned up a corner of his mouth. Gracchus smiled, and returned, “I told her nothing you asked me not to.” I stood stiffly, while they joked as if I understood nothing, and found myself falling into my old habit of letting nothing of my thoughts show, either in my face, or my eyes.
Or so I thought. Maximus turned his intrusive, infiltrating gaze back on me, and certainly, he was searching though me, finding my thoughts, no matter how deeply I tried to hide them. It was unnerving, and I needed away from him, as quickly as I could get. But I dared not leave, he was my master, and I was a slave. By rights, he could do as he wished. He must have realized how uncomfortable it was for me to be examined, because he left my eyes, and came around to the side of young Lucius, who still gawked at me as if I had grown two heads, to look the rest of his acquisition over. Lucius finally repeated, “Boudicca, what’s wrong with you?”
Gracchus answered him for me, aware as he was that I had just graced him, a Senator of Rome, with a piece of myself that was painful and bitter, knowing that Maximus represented all that to me. He probably understood as well, that soon, drowsiness from trying to stem the tide of emotion that crashed upon the hardened rock of my heart was beginning to overtake me. “It’s been a long day for her, Lucius. Strong as she is, she is still very weak, at times. And it can’t be easy to be stared at.” The last he directed at Maximus, who was investigating me like a prized horse, noting that I stood straight, and without assistance, that I had walked steady and true beside Gracchus, with only a slight limp, the way to this point. He seemed pleased with what he could view immediately, but I wondered if I was to be thoroughly examined later, when it was only the two of us. The thought was not appealing. Gracchus continued, but to me. “Did you have something you wanted to tell Lucius?”
I found my voice. Avoiding the questioning glance from Maximus, I apologized to the boy I had hurt earlier, with careless words, and misdirected anger. I offered him my hand, and Lucius took it. We were still friends. We walked together, the rest of the way back to my tiny room, the men trailing some distance behind Lucius and me. I could hear snatches of the quiet conversation they were involved in, and Gracchus’ soft, “Later…Galen will explain…wild…”. What Maximus responded with was lost to me, his voice a gravel-rough whisper in a tone so low I could not hear it, unless I turned around, and I was not going to do that.
Outside my sleeping place, we said our goodnights. Lucius begged me to come watch his weapons practice the next day, then realized that I should probably have the general’s permission. Our friendship suddenly seemed to have limits placed upon it, by the physical presence of my owner, whereas the idea that I belonged to someone, but had been given time to heal and get by virtually on my own had allowed us freedom to just be on somewhat equal ground. Now, he was a nobleman’s son, Gracchus was a powerful man, and I was a slave. The boundaries were far more clear to me. I averted my eyes, but turned toward Maximus, in askance.
His answer was a kind, “Of course. I would like to see what she thinks of your skills.” He left first, then Gracchus, who pressed a lime from out of nowhere into my palm, with a smile, patting my arm for reassurance. Lucius waited until they were out, and turned back to me.
“Is it very hard to be a slave?” He choked on the word, and I realized, he truly thought of me as a friend. In that instant, I wished he were my son. I raised his chin, so I could look into his eyes, and give weight to my words.
“It depends on who your master is. If you belong to someone who is kind, and remembers that you are human, then it is not like being captive at all. You come to think of it as employment. My first owner was that sort of man. The last one was a cruel beast, more terrible than the ones I fought. They were merely hungry animals. He was evil, and fed off the misfortune of others, because he enjoys the blood and suffering, and the money that he makes from it. I hated him, and wanted my death, if I could not have my freedom.” He thought about what I said, then looked toward the door, where the men had disappeared but waited for him outside.
“Maximus will be good to you, Boudicca. He used to be a slave, too.” How could I make him understand, that it was not the man himself I was uncomfortable with, but the position he held? Living in the home of a Senator was one thing; here, Gracchus was only a good man, with a ken beyond that of his peers. Being the slave of a soldier, the commander of legions no less, was quite another. I had told Lucius nothing of my life, how the legions had ravaged my home, and how Maximus was an enemy to me, simply for being what he was.
He had to have been planning to buy me for some time before that awful last day in the arena. Why, I could not begin to guess. But it was now clear to me, what sort of things he must have been asking the guard, that first time I saw him in the bowels of the Colisseum, where I had come from, what I might know, any number of things that would require his need of me. Gracchus had said I would have to ask Maximus most of my questions. I now wondered if I should or could.
“I know he was,” I smiled down at Lucius, but to convince myself, more than the boy. That night, I dreamed of marching legions of Roman soldiers, that all had Maximus’ face. A voice in the dream kept repeating, “Destiny and Fate.”
