|
|
In the time I served Maximus, my duties were many and varied. None brought me so much joy, as when he gave me charge of the score of Spanish horses he kept stabled with Gracchus’ animals. It was primarily therapy for my arm, since I was not allowed to use the right when I fed and groomed them, but still I loved the task, and it kept me busy every morning for a moon’s time. Every other day, I would work with Lucius; again, I was to spar left-handed, only. Lucius was more adept with the sword he was using now, and quickly getting better in his use of it. It was a sometimes a great struggle to fend him off, his enthusiasm was greater with his renewed sense of accomplishment. On days I was not training, I was riding. I was confined to the grounds, and the gates were always heavily guarded.At first, I thought this was because Maximus wanted to give me no quarter to run away. I had thought it strange before that Praetorians were stationed around Gracchus’ home. He was a senator, but not every senator had the imperial guard protecting their property. They never bothered me, as I came and went from the stables, or when I was with Lucius, though they did give him deep respect, when he was with me. They say curiosity kills cats, so I never asked, and Lucius was not forthcoming with information either. Lucilla came with him to the parade grounds every time we sparred, after the first time I met her. I was certain that she did not trust me, though she was always diplomatic in addressing me. What she must have said to Maximus and Gracchus in the privacy of the house about the time the boy spent with me, I could only guess. I thought it rather silly, but naturally, I told her nothing. I was deferent and remembered my place, when I did speak to her. It was understandable that she was nervous. I would not have trusted a foreigner with my child, either.
Something was afoot, though, I could feel it. If the gods do not speak to me directly, they send dreams and signs. I had procured needle and thread from one of the house servants, to mend my clothing and wool to make breeches and a couple of tunics for the winter, as well as to better enable me to ride. As I worked late one night, with only the light of the lamp to guide me, I ran the needle deep into my finger. In the droplets of blood that rushed to the surface of my skin, flashing images of fire and figures in red swooping through it played, and I slept very little, that night. I said nothing to anyone about the omens and visions I saw, lest they think me a madwoman, but I watched carefully for anything not ordinary.
Four days before we left, Maximus was off in the city, getting provisions for our trip, and then he would give a report to Senate, before we joined the army. He had given me the job of making sure we had all our private possessions packed, and to get the horses exercised and ready for travel. His belongings were almost as sparse as my own, though I knew many would be in his tent at Ostia, where the army was encamped. He carried lightly, to visit in Rome, I discovered, as I was led into the chamber of the house he slept in.
Like the rest of the building, it was opulent, the furniture and fixtures lavish and ornate. I ran a hand over the bed covering, enjoying the feel of the fine cloth that I knew came from far away. The chair beside the wash basin to the right was heavy oak, taken from the forests of Britannia, and carved with heroes and animals of lore. It did not look comfortable, however, and I grinned at the idea of my owner trying to find a position in it, while he read one of the several scrolls that lay among his things. The general’s effects were orderly, and very quickly packed. I was very careful with the tiny figurines and candles on the small altar in the corner of the room, wrapping them gently in a leather bag, placing the bundle carefully in the satchel that held his clothing. I wondered who they were, perhaps his family that he had lost? They were precious, whomever the little dolls represented, so I treated them accordingly. My things were even quicker to put away, so I finished quickly, ate my supper, and fell into bed, taking mental inventory to be sure I had remembered everything.
So tired was I, that at first, I thought I was dreaming when Timothy, an educated Greek who oversaw the staff, stood in my doorway, and called to me. I was awake in an instant, though, when he calmly informed me, “ I think there may be trouble.”
“What sort of trouble?”
“There is a man here, who says he wants to conduct business with General Maximus, but won’t say what it is.”
“Where is my master?” I pulled on my clothing, not really caring what Timothy saw of me, nor did he seem to.
“He’s not back yet. Neither is mine. The Senate is meeting late.”
“Have you seen this man before?” He shook his head negatively. All Timothy knew was that he had showed official papers, and had been allowed entry. He was currently talking with Lucilla, while he waited for Maximus. Upon looking at the man, though, the Greek had an uneasy feeling about him. The Master of Arms was gone for the night, so he had come for me.
He led me through the darkened corridors of the house, past marble busts of ancient men and precious tapestries adorning the walls. He had wisely alerted the Praetorian guard, I noticed, as we tiptoed by them. We neared the atrium, where the voices of Lucilla and the stranger came to us. I could see Lucius behind his mother; the man faced them, from the couch where he sat. Timothy pulled me to an alcove, where I could watch, unseen by the visitor. Lucius saw us, and I knew Lucilla did, as well, but to their credit, they gave no indication of it.
Timothy left me there, to observe, and saw to the wine in their cups. Lucilla shook her head quietly, when he offered her a second helping, and I silently praised her wisdom. She wanted her mind clear of the effects of the wine. She did not trust this man’s purpose, either. I noticed the flash of iron at Lucius’ belt, from the concealed dagger there, and smiled approval at him. Timothy stood by, and I listened to the conversation from my hiding place.
“Livius, where do you come from?” Lucilla addressed her guest, sitting forward, and putting her elbows on her knees, as though she was truly fascinated, a bored woman kept at home, away from the world.
He cleared his throat, and set his cup down. “From Lugdunum. I was born in Rome, though.” I froze. The voice, thick and thunderous as the ocean’s roar, were I to hear today, I would still know. Had I been able to see his face, I knew I would see a jagged scar that ran from under his hairline, through his eye, rendering him half-blind, slashing his lip, and under his jaw. I had put it there, several years before. Livius was wearing the caracallus, a long cloak that kept the winter cold and summer heat off a person. The light of the flames about masked its true shade, but it was red, and patterned with the checks so prevalent in Gaul and Celt clothing. I silently thanked my gods for their warning, nights ago.
I knew his business there, and I was torn with the need to stay, and sink a dagger deep into his back and through his heart, or running as far away as I could get. It seemed no matter where I turned, the past was catching up to me. It was stifling. I fought the urge to vomit, and Timothy must have seen the change in my expression. He excused himself, and walked with me to a room where we could speak, unheard by Livius.
“You know him.” It was not a question.
“Aye.”
“Perhaps it is best you go back to your room.”
“I don’t want to leave any of you alone.” Livius was not dangerous to all of us; he had come with only a manservant who waited outside. But none of the family other than Lucius was armed, and the boy was no match for him.
“The guards are here, they will look after us.”
“You don’t know this man. He can be very determined, when he wants something.” I did not add, he would kill for what he desired.
“Boadicea, you’re in a fit. You would be no good to us, anyway. You will be asleep before you ever lift a weapon.” He was teasing, I understood, but it did nothing to make me feel better. He was rewarded with a withering look that he laughed off. “Do you know what he is here for?” Serious, again.
“Probably to buy me from Maximus. He was interested in me, when I was a gladiator.” What I did not tell Timothy, was that I knew Livius from long before that. I could not explain to the valet, that Livius had no doubt heard of my whereabouts, by way of my fame in the Coliseum. That sort of news will reach the right people wherever they happen to be. He had probably come to see if what he suspected was true, and I was indeed the woman he was looking for. I knew he had tried to buy me, days after Maximus had first inquired of me. He had almost acquired me too, but in the one stroke of good fortune I ever had while owned by Aelius Pontius, the little demon had waited until the fateful fight with the bears to give him a price. Of course, that cost depended on how victorious I would be, and I was not. Disappointed, and on the down side of the wager pool, Pontius had sold my carcass to the general, instead. What he had not counted on, was that Livius had placed no limits on how much he would have spent for me, ready to meet my gods, or no. In fact, the closer to death I was, the more he would have valued me. His work would have been half done.
“Are you afraid of him?”
“Only the memories he brings for me,” I tried to assure Timothy, as much as he was trying to comfort me.
I gained a bit of composure, as the voices of Maximus and Gracchus addressing our visitor carried back to us. I went back to the shadowed alcove I had occupied before, while Timothy saw to them. As he took Maximus’ fur-lined cloak, he spoke in the general’s ear. Maximus nodded in response, with the barest flicker of a glance in the direction of Livius, including me in its sweep, beyond in the dark. He then gave Timothy a whispered directive, and turned his attention completely to Livius. Lucilla had already excused herself, leaving Gracchus her spot. Lucius was led away by the Greek servant, who beckoned me to follow, as they went by. Apparently, I was not to be allowed to listen in, either.
Timothy helped Lucius ready himself for bed, then left us to talk. I was still very tired, but I knew I would not slip into unconsciousness. Lucius arranged himself on his pillows, while I took up a chair by the table that held some of his treasures, things that only a boy understands the importance of. A brilliant stone here, a toy figurine there. The miniature warrior caught my attention, and I picked it up, studying it in the low light of the oil lamp in a corner. It was a proud little thing, sword raised in victory, and I found myself smiling fondly at it. Triumph and defeat. I have many times cheated death, such as I had, when first I met Livius, but almost always, the victory has come with a price.
I wondered what bargain Livius was striking with Maximus, at the other end of the house. Maximus was not truly wealthy, though his salary from the army was a good one. The Spanish horses were not cheap, and though he had got a lower asking price for his purchase, he had had to borrow the money from Gracchus to buy me. What Livius could, and no doubt would, offer him, would be more than enough for Maximus to repay his debts, and live comfortably the rest of his life. Had I been the general, I would have taken the money.
Lucius observed me handling the toy gladiator, and asked, “Did you like being a gladiator?” I regarded him for long seconds, before I answered him.
“No, not really. I would rather save life, than take it. But the spectators liked me.”
“But you’re a warrior. Isn’t that what you do? You save life by fighting.”
“Lucius, where are you going with this?” His way of weaving his thoughts in and around themselves sometimes left me a bit confused.
“That man out there. You knew him. I could see it. You were ready to sleep. You only do that when you’re nervous.”
“And after fights.”
“Do you think he wants to buy you?” The lad was incredibly perceptive. He could see what adults could not. Or I was not hiding my thoughts and feelings well, anymore. I was getting soft from an easy existence with this family.
“I know he does.”
“What for? To fight again? Maybe for a bodyguard.”
“Oh, I’m sure he would make me fight.” For my life, I added inside my head.
“How do you know him?”
“Lucius, I think that is information you shouldn’t have.” Livius’ presence here was danger enough. To tell the boy why, would only make it worse. It would only alarm him, and more than anything, I would not let him feel in the least unsafe. Maximus and I were already packed, if we left at first light, we could be out of the city, and with the army by tomorrow evening, provided that he refused to hand me over to the Gaul.
“I’ll tell you a secret, if you tell me yours.” I grinned. What possible thing could he have to hide from me that would make us even?
“No.”
“What if I told you that I can make sure you never get sold or have to fight in the games, again? That you could stay with me, and be my bodyguard and my friend for the rest of your life?” I made jest of checking the cup of water by his bed to be sure it did not really contain wine. He was not amused. “Did you know that Cleopatra’s personal guard was made up of all Celts?”
“Yes. Three hundred- all hand-picked. They serve the pharaohs still.” At least conversations with Lucius were never dull, I thought.
“I would like to have Celts be in my bodyguard, someday.”
“Do you really think you will need one?”
“All Emperors should have protection. My grandfather did. My uncle did, too. I will need it, when I am on the throne, I guess.” He was looking at a point beyond me, and I turned to see what it was. It was the first time I had been in his room, and naturally, I had missed the marble bust of Marcus Aurelius that adorned the corner it sat in, the features taking on a sort of eerie life from the shadows and light thrown on it. Then it was all clear to me. The Praetorians I had always considered strange were no longer. The concealment of things about these people from me was overwhelming. And all to protect the boy that looked upon me with absolute trust and had extended his friendship to me, without boundary. All the more reason for me to keep my mouth shut.
“Lucius, that is a precious thing you have shared with me. I thank you. I hope you are a good man, and fair, and remember to be kind to those you rule over. But I can’t tell you about Livius. It could bring you great harm, and I will die, before I allow that. Besides, the general may sell me tonight.”
“He wouldn’t do that. He needs you.”
“For something he could easily pay any other to do, I’m sure.”
“Well, then I will order him to give you your freedom. Or sell you to me.” Neither of us noticed that Lucilla had been silently observing us from the darkened entryway, as she came to look in on her son.
“I doubt Maximus is going to sell her to anyone, or give her her freedom- right away.” Lucius looked like a criminal caught. I hastily stood, and bowed my head, somewhat sheepishly. The barest hint of a smile turned up the corners of Lucilla’s full mouth, as she took in the two conspirators. “Lucius, you should be asleep. You can plan your grand schemes tomorrow. I need Boadicea’s time, right now.” I bid the young emperor good night, and walked with Lucilla to her rooms.
“Forgive me,” I requested of her, in the passageway, as we stopped outside her sleeping place.
“For what? This is hardly the first time the two of you have spoken freely with one another. Tonight, you just happened to be in here.” Her gaze swept over the marble columns that held up the spacious building, and the tile work under our feet. “And I dare say it will hardly be your last. Or do you think I resent you for it?” Her eyes searched out my inner thoughts, unnerving me.
“Sometimes I think that, aye.” I had nothing to lose by being honest with her. There were no men here to impress.
Her laughter was mirthful, and she clasped her hands together, like a delighted little girl who has been entertained well. “I do not. I worry for my son. You know who he is now; can you see why? At first, I was afraid of you. I should have come to see you sooner. But I think I know you, and you have been good for him. I worry, though, what you could mean for Maximus.” She trailed off, and I know her thoughts were in the atrium, where Maximus and Gracchus were still dealing with Livius. In snatches, I could still hear their male voices, as they discussed my fate.
“I will do whatever he tells me to. Go where he goes, until he no longer needs me. Then I will go on to the next owner, or wherever the gods take me.”
“I heard what you said to Lucius, about danger where that man is concerned. I wonder what Maximus will face, because of your knowledge of Livius, I meant. I think you owe him a full, honest report about your acquaintance with him.” I had already intended to speak with the general. We were not to have left for another few days, but the next day would be better, if he had given his report and received his orders from the Senate.
“I will, as soon as he is free of his guest.”
“Good,” she sighed sadly. “Do something else for me, please? I understand you have no love for soldiers?”
“No.”
“Well, I don’t think I blame you. They’ve been hard on your people. I’ve been to Britannia, and seen what they have done. But Maximus is a good man. He knows what it is to be a slave, and will treat you well. Just take good care of him, in return. He doesn’t always look after himself.” I had to do no assessing of Lucilla’s soul, to understand that she worried about Maximus as any woman worries after a man who has stolen a piece of her heart, regardless of whether he belongs to her, or she to him. I had never had that, but I recognized it well enough.
Lucilla, for as long as I have known her, has been strong- quietly and often unnoticed. She chose to follow a certain path, to ensure her son’s place on the throne, and to join Emperor and Senate as one, with her marriage. She gave up matters of the heart, to do what she thought was right for Rome. She asked for little in return. I often wonder if she could have seen the future, would she have decided differently?
That night, she felt helpless to protect all those she loved, bound as she was by the constraints of her Roman society. So she turned to a slave woman, who was bound only by the notion that a person can own another. I like to think now, that she gave me a sacred purpose of sorts, and that I did as she would have done.
